Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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