how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Less talking, more tequila
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
