i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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