just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
