Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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