Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
