Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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