My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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