found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
