Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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