five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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