i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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