Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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