dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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