just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
