dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
