I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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