buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
as a side note pls kill me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
