Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
