Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
love makes seman taste better
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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