I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And then he peed in my hair
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
