i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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