we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
