It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dignity is for republicans.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
did you just send me my own nude
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
