Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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