what day is it and did you see me today?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
