Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
