You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
