Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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