And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
