my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
