dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
