She is in my trunk
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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