remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
