the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
