there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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