My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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