I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
