I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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