I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
zippers are such a cool invention
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
