I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
