I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
