Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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