Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
