Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
