: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
