i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
