just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
