I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
