Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
