Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize