is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
