I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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