There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
