they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Found your dick twin last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
