i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
