I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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