Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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