my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
