talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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