I think my vagina is haunted
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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