this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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