Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Vodka?
Forever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
