do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
